Hello Purplemelon: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. Two additional forums, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Coping with Emotions forum & the Anxiety, Panic & Phobias forum. Here are links to these forums:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

https://psychcentralforums.com/anxie...c-and-phobias/

And then here are links to a dozen articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help in putting this into perspective. Some of these articles are more applicable to your husband than you. However reading through them may, perhaps, give you some insight into what may be going on with him:

Is It Your Marriage or Your Depression?

Don't Let Depression Destroy Your Relationship

Recognizing Depression in Your Partner

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/welln...-is-depressed/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/tms/2...-is-different/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/depress...u-might-think/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-thi...le-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/12-dep...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-do-...anic-disorder/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips...-their-tracks/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...panic-attacks/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/reduce...eep-breathing/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.