It CAN actually take time lady411 to sit and finally realize that you are NOT thriving, but surviving and so are your children. They can feel it, they actually can SEE a lot more than you realize and they are NOW beginning to just "survive". And in all honesty, that is what your husband did and that is what creates all these ways you are surviving. Understand, he more than likely WILL NOT CHANGE, instead it's become his charactor, who he IS as a person. Your little ones are ALREADY imprinting, these early years are extremely significant. What they see your husband treat you like is being imprinted right now. They SEE AND FEEL the stress you experience as well, and often this actually results in children developing anxiety issues. A woman often says "he is good with the children" right? That is NOT all that matters in this picture, it's really SIGNIFICANT what they see him do with YOU. Your husband is imprinted with the behaviors he witnessed his father enact with his mother. That abuse cycle is WHAT HE KNOWS and he is continuing to practice it. "We are what we know" and if you talk to any therapist they will tell you most narcissists like that are NOT interested and changing.