Hi. I'm a new member here. I have a horrible self esteem. When I get out of my house to go to school, my mind goes on "wondering about what people are thinking about me" mode ASAP.
I walk to the bus, I'm wondering if some guys are saying I look ugly or something. I go on the bus, I'm wondering what the bus driver thinks, what the people on the bus are thinking. Then when I step off the bus, I am wondering still.
I then enter onto the train and it becomes even worse. I'm thinking, "does that person want to sit next to me", "does that guy think i'm ugly", "why did he turn his back when he saw me", "how does my face look", "is my face oily".
Then halfway to my school, I know that my face looks different. I just assume that is oily. When i go onto teh other train, I see school kids. I feel they ignore me because they think I am really unattractive. I do talk to some of them, but not all of them.
I'm not going to say I look ugly all the time, but I think I look ugly most of the time. If I feel I look pretty, someones face expressions or my assumptions will change it.
I have guy friends, but not a lot. I am a very quite person in school and have been called a loser. I think it;s because I am really quite. I think I am a nice, cool person. I told my guy friend that I think I'm ugly and he told me I was not. My cousin and family members told me that I am pretty. Sometimes I do get compliments, but I never take it serious because someone might be there to ruin my day or at least I think so.

if someone calls me ugly, I will dwell on that more. I feel that my looks change so constantly and I hate that. I believe if I did not know God as my personal savior, I would want to die. THank God I do not have the courage to kill myself. I just wish I looked pretty all the time!! I get so stressed about my face every hour of the day. Every hour or 2 hours(after early class), I head straight to the bathroom. I have to see how I look. I have to wipe my face. It's getting quite annoying. I am 16 and am a Junior in higschool. I also am smart, but since I cam to highscool, I've had a really average GPA. I am trying to bring it up this semester. I'm a female by the way.

Sorry for such a long post, but I just had to type this out.