Hi pinkvilla.

My English is not very good but I think your feelings are very understandable. I have been in a position like the one you describe. It was frightening.

I wish I had some great insights on how to find courage, but sadly I lack such wisdom.

You are very courageous in my eyes because I think it takes a lot of courage to seek courage.

I hope you get many responses to your post from people who do have insights that would prove helpful to you.

My heart goes out to you in your distress and I wish you only the best! -- Yaowen