Now for the tale of the Alabama Tick. Once upon a time, there was a woman, who was very senior and was so dug into the system that no one could remove her...much like an Alabama Tick. The Tick had dug herself into a key position to where nearly everyone in the section had to go through her to get anything done. The Tick reveled in the power and created an atmosphere so toxic we thought we were on Mercury. Everyone would have to kiss the ring to accomplish the simplest thing. The Tick would carefully and painfully structure every encounter so that she was the one in power and you were just gum on her shoe. You would have to sit through chastising lectures, her treating you like a wayward three year old, for the smallest error, like three spaces after a period or using a colon instead of a semi colon. These matters would become life or death. If you failed to bend the knee she would do her utmost to undermine your work and make you look like an idiot to upper management. She would walk by you and wave her hand dismissively, saying, "we have a problem person that I have to deal with," and then walk into upper management's office and shut the door.

I fell afoul of the Tick when I had an urgent project that had real world consequences and she demanded that I be her gopher girl. I stood my ground and it was open season on me. I also have a strong suspicion that she was stalking me too. She always knew when I was in the locker room, taking a shower. And she never worked out. In an open shower bay with just me, she would show up in the spot right next to me. I think I showed that I was creeped out and things went sour. She held up my work for no reason and humiliated me every chance she got. She threw me under the bus at one inspection and I had to prove that I was right and she was wrong. That was enough.

I took it for two years until I said, "you want to play this game, let's play this game." Two dozen other offended parties banded together to turn the tables. I was in charge of a program that she had to complete in order to maintain her qualifications. I had always been kind and understanding before, but it was open season now. I found every error that she had made and paraded it publicly. The others did the same and the pressure was on. Finally, she imploded when she screamed at the head of the section, when she was in the wrong. She was removed and put in a worthless position. I took the opportunity to commend her successor in front of her every chance I got and say how messed up things were before. I did it again, publicly at a mass meeting and the Tick dropped her bagel on the carpet and ran out, putting in her retirement papers in the next 15 minutes.

I hate being that way, but Tick was so toxic and damaging to the organization and no one was doing a thing.