I thought about the mortality piece, I have lost a lot of older family members recently. My concern is that my sexual needs are now dominating my thoughts. I love my wife and kids dearly and do not want to jeopardize our relationships. I am a good provider and I have always put my family’s needs first. Right now though all I want is my needs and desires to be taken care of. I talk to my wife about my fantasies and desires and she humors me to degree because she loves me and wants to understand. I try not to hide things from her, but I have been getting on sex sites and meeting people online for online fun only. I work at night a lot for home and will end up masterbating on cam with women, couples and sometimes men. I feel guilty because I should be loyal to my wife and not having sexual interactions with other people. I have been married for almost 20 years and I love and desire my wife as much as I did when we met. Before we met, I traveled for work and met women and had short intense sexual relationships. I also was never in one place for long period of time. Now I have been in the same job for a decade and the same routines every day. I think part of this is just pure boredom. My concerns is I am heading down a path that I might not be able to control. My online sexual behavior has been anonymous play with people I will never meet. Lately I have been interacting with people in my city that I live and conversations are moving more towards actually meeting. This is a struggle for me and my need to be good is losing to my need to be bad. I am always good., I always do what is expected of me, at home and at work. It is hard to not give in at this point.