Ok for goodness sakes DO NOT READ THIS IF NOT STRONG TONITE...i ain't looking to drag nobody down here!

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ok so 20 months or so 100% sober and clean and even that was the first relapse in well over a decade...whoop-de-blinking-doo!

but geez..hate to own it coz i'm sure as sugarlumps old enuff to know better but...some nites i just think...why bother? who am i torturing myself for? why not just carry on, get drunk, get high, who's it hurting?

dunno. just know the nite is still young...got 9 more hours to be stupid with if i decide to go there...wah-hey!