Tryin, I feel with you through this! How many times have I told my T the very words you just wrote - how many times have I written those words in my journal I write for him each week - word for word. I think depression is such in insidious dis-ease that we get caught up in the feeling of depression and lose track of the reality that there are ups and downs (maybe more downs than ups for me, usually) but there are ups. Perhaps you like the fragrance of a certain flower, a sunset that caught our attention, some favorite music you like that makes you feel better than usual. We have all failed at something in our lives and if it happened when we were children and that failure has been with us into adulthood then we tend to think of "ourselves" as failures. We are not failures - some of our actions may have failed but we are not. Many people are sending you warm wishes and support at this moment.