((((((((((((pegasus))))))))))))))),
I have been where you are......I know exactly what that feeling is. Why should I bother to continue living.....there is nothing here for me. I didn't have my career anymore & my marriage wasn't worth anything & my daughter....oh well she will survive without me probably better that with, since I never had really been there for her anyway. As far as my Mother......didn't care much about that one either. So why bother the only things that I cared about was my horse & my dogs.....& they wouldn't really know the difference anyway. I hurt so bad inside that I just wanted everything to quit.
I tried many times mostly with OD's.......& several times, they didn't know how I survived or why I was even alive. Once I ended up in a coma in the ICU on a breathing machine. I had been in the hospital & they released me. I told them I wasn't ok but they gave me back the pills I came into the hopsital with........they got me down to the ER room & I don't remember a thing after that until I finally came to in ICU with the breathing machine going......they said something about the fact that I had quit breathing & that was all they could do to see if I would make it.
Well, I can tell you that I was that God knew it wasn't my time & he wasn't going to let me be in control that way.....not that it couldn't have ended up my way, but I was definitely not supposed to die at that point in time. Since that time, everything has changed around in my life. I now own my own farm in Kentucky & I am on my own & able to take care of myself. I have never been happier in my life......& then to top that off, I got involved in the community & a bible study that has opened my eyes & my heart to know the reality of God in my life. I was always a Christian in my beliefs, the it wasn't in my heart or in my mind as what has come since I really started to with the bible study & have a wonderful pastor in my new church. That on top of getting involved in the community activities in my small town has shown me exactly the fact that when I wanted to die & tried to die, I had o idea what a wonderful future I had ahead of me.
The other thing I have learned from my bible studies is that when we say we can't change what of who we are.......Nothing is impossible with God.....if we take our issues & the things that need changing to him.....that is really where our help lies to make those huge changes that really make a difference in our lives. My changes started before that point but everyone as different experiences.....all I know is that you don't know the wonderful things your future holds for you anymore than I knew......but if we don't give it a chance, we never do get to experience the wonderful life God really has for us.
Debbie
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Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
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