as if the decision has to be made right now and I am ready to come out of my skin
or never and I pull further into quiet, motionless darkness between these I manage tasks of daily living and ache for places I will never be
words said after my brother's suicide that intrude "...there were just places he couldn't go..."---'places'---thoughts, it is hard to explain how emotional pain is also biochemical --like a switch gets flipped...how shame can kill... and is as needful of relieving as the pain of physical trauma. what you can't see can hurt you.