Hi there and welcome to the forum!

I can relate to many of the issues you face. I think it can come down to a lower self esteem and a weakened self image. If one feels really strong inside and self assured, what other people think doesn't matter so much, and people pleasing isn't a problem. When we are comfortable in our own skin and with being who we are inside, we don't feel the need to people please. People pleasing comes from wanting to be liked. Nothing wrong with wanting to be liked or appreciated, since most people are like that, but when we bend over backwards trying to please others, we can compromise our own desires and wishes, even going against them.

And jealousy? Feeling threatened by other women? I can be the same exact way. Other women CAN be threatening, especially if they openly flirt with your partner and/or show interest, AND if your partner responds to the flirting or interest being shown to them. I find that open communication is important about these types of things. If your boyfriend or partner is hanging out with other women on a 1:1 alone basis, that can potentially make anyone feel more insecure or unsettled, unless that woman has a boyfriend. You may always be wondering is there an attraction? Or are they strictly just "friends"? Is something else going on? Keeping scenarios where the other person may feel more insecure to a minimum is what a caring, loving relationship involves. If your partner knows that by hanging out with other women it will create jealousy and insecurity, why do it? Or why do it often? That would be rubbing a sore spot in your partner knowingly. Then again, some men and women CAN have strictly platonic friendships where there is zero attraction. I think this one can be tricky business. Others may disagree with me, but ultimately I think two partners who care about each other's happiness and feelings will keep jealousy-provoking situations to a minimum.

I don't know much about social anxiety, so I cannot speak to that issue personally. From what you say, it does seem to point to a self esteem issue. When one is feeling good about themselves, other people don't feel as threatening. Also best to not make comparisons. Everyone is on their own path and what may look more "normal" to you, may have its own set of issues and struggles. Most people struggle in life, and if they don't appear to be struggling, they're hiding it well on the outside. You just never know what another person's life is really like on the inside.

I hope this helps you somewhat. Others may have some good ideas and helpful thoughts for you too.