Welcome to Psych Central, twilightsparkle. My personal, non-professional opinion would be that all of this is something that may be best explored with the help of a counselor or mental health therapist. It's going to take time & effort to unravel it all. And a trained mental health professional is going to be in the best position to guide you through the process.

One concept you might take a look at is what is referred to as childhood emotional neglect. Perhaps you're already familiar with it? There's a forum, here on PC, dedicated to it. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/child...ional-neglect/

And then here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject (there are lots more):

Invisible, Powerful Childhood Emotional Neglect

The 2 Types Of Childhood Emotional Neglect: Active and Passive

7 Signs You Grew Up With Childhood Emotional Neglect

Which Type Of Emotionally Neglectful Parents Raised You? 17 Signs to Look For

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...ional-neglect/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.