Another contributor raised the topic of difficult older people, in her case parents in law. Fully understand that dementia and other illnesses can seriously affect behaviour, so not criticising sufferers in any way.

What's led me to post is my mother's behaviour. Always been difficult, due to how her mother behaved, favouring her other younger daughter. As a result my mother openly favours my brother over me. In her eyes he can do no wrong. During yet another confrontation recently, due to mishearing what I had said, she accused me of shouting when all I did was change the tone of my voice. Obvious from her body language when I arrived that it was going to be a difficult afternoon. Had all the usual snapping and snarling, with usual dose of bitterness about everyone who had wronged her. What I did learn was my aunt (her sister) has told her about the way she speaks to me.

She has an amazing memory for all the bad things people have done. When challenged about what she's said, then conveniently forgets, only for it to come up in conversation months/years later. Also has many ways of calling me a liar without actually using the word. Now accused of trying to turn her against my brother because of issues between me and SIL. I'm content for her to go to his house on UK Mothers Day soon. He won't recognise the gesture, viewing it as another opportunity to falsely show everyone how great he is in caring for her. My final comment was most family members seem to think I'm just there to be their punchbag (not literally), without any consideration for my feelings. That's then construed as I can't cope.

I remember my ex saying his mother was the same, before she got ill. Talking to a health professional, he was relieved (not necessarily right word) to learn that most difficult people don't get that way purely because they're ill, they've always had these traits. Have also heard descriptions that they become childlike, but sometimes conversations are too complex for that to be the case.