Acceptance, self doubt, and denial are all common. I've had all of those myself, exacerbated by the fact that I'm a mental health professional. It's easy for me to self diagnose or self undiagnose. But in the end the evidence of my life is a reminder of what the reality is. It takes time to work through that. For me I finally reached a point where I was tired of the ups and downs and the mistakes or embarrassments. It took me a long time to get there. I'd say I'm happier for it, and my life is more positive and stable now. It can be a real struggle.

The reality is that you've been you the whole time. You've had ups and downs, and maybe it's easy for you to question those and what is "normal" or maybe other people have questioned how sick you are. It's just important to decide what matters to you and what matters to your recovery. A diagnosis is helpful if it informs treatment and helps you on your recovery path. Otherwise it's just a label and no one likes to be put in a box.

Hang in there. It's easy to get jaded and doubt things, but you have enough history of treatment to know what works for you and what doesn't.