You're not a coward AT ALL, @Twitch99! I Believe there's a part of you that wants to Live and to get better. It seems like your Pdoc isn't being very kind to you. Have you already tried to find another one, possibly? I hope you'll stay, although that may be selfish of me. Still, I am REALLY happy you at least have this WONDERFUL Forum where you can share how you TRULY Feel. Let's Hope that you'll be able to share it with the people in your Life at some point as well. Please stay strong and also stay well as much as you possibly can!! Things can and WILL get better, I am sure of that!! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Twitch99, your Family, your Friends, your Wife and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIEND?!