Deliberately kept initial post fairly brief as I didn't want to share too much., but you've all contributed to the wider picture. Let me elaborate.

Brother has always been her favourite because he produced her only grandchild. Mother once accused me of not trying to give her what she wanted. Ex sister-in-law told me that mother had said she couldn't love both her children because of way her mother had brought her up. That was first hint that we wouldn't enjoy a good relationship. Stepfather was epitome of old fashioned husband who demanded total attention and she dutifully obliged, despite fact he hit her. When they moved house, she began affair with widowed neighbour whilst he was still alive. This guy so different; welcomed at all our family get-togethers, sadly he died. Then another widower moved in and they became an "item" although she claims they were never intimate. He got dementia linked to alcoholism. For around six years she weekly told me I was horrible, heartless just because I suggested she left his family to handle everything. There was something about him that didn't rest easy.

Fast forward; last year she was admitted to hospital, suspected TIA. Discharge letter questioned this. Consultant appointment three months later still didn't confirm it. Possible cause of "episode" was dehydration. Also lack of regular checks on calcium levels, so those meds were stopped. Another 36 hours without sleep after visit to A&E, same as 2 years before after fall.

Despite losing my job over 4 years ago, there's been no interest in my job hunting. She even said she wouldn't ask because I could say it's none of her business. In my view, no employer would entertain me taking so much time off for many medical appointments and food shopping. Aunt and I have suggested she get a mobile hairdresser. No, she doesn't want anyone in the house. Instead, I should sacrifice more of my personal time taking her to mine.

Brother should experience more of her behaviour but I think she's angelic when with him. He's taken her to two med appointments in a year, invites her for Sunday lunch around every 4-6 weeks. Supposed to do jobs for her, then "forgets". Yet everyone thinks he's fantastic and I'm supposed to be thankful that he and SIL think I'm doing a wonderful job in sorting out mother's meds. During her hospitalisation last year, I suggested to him that we discuss her situation. His response "it's okay, you're alright there". What he meant was no, you can continue as you are. Nice!

Hope I haven't lost anyone in this rather lengthy reply. I'm due at docs on Friday for blood tests results from annual check up. Dreading it as I know I'm neglecting my diet. Much better in summer when I can eat lovely fruit and salad