Hi Fuzzybear. I'm so sorry you did not receive what you needed from your parents. That is a huge loss that is hard to fully make up for. I do hope you get more of what you need from others, or will in the future. Unfortunately, it's impossible to change the past, and next to impossible to change people who are set in certain ways. It is understandable that one grieve such a loss, but as grieving processes go, it is important to eventually get to a stage where we can move on and not be held back or destroyed by such losses.

My family lost my mother when she was 61. I was only 34. I was very lucky that she was almost a model mother. In contrast, though my father has some positive attributes, he is comparatively self-centered/focused, and always has been. He could be loving, in his way, but also disinterested, as you mentioned. During the very worst of my illness, he was not there for me, while my mother likely would have been. I was/am very lucky to have my loving husband. I am also lucky to have the psychiatrist that I have. I confess that without them, I would need to seek out someone who could be like them/fill such roles. Expecting that my father would suddenly be there for me, would be like a losing battle. [I can't think of a better term.] I used to wonder "Why did it have to be my mother that we lost? The one that gave and cared most?" I used to also wonder why it was my maternal grandmother that lived the longest of my grandparents. My maternal grandmother was abusive, not only to my mother, but to my siblings and me. Even upon her eventual death (after my mother/her daughter), she basically gave us a figurative middle finger. For no good reason, at all. We never deserved such treatment!

We simply need to find what we need in new people and things. There are many loving people in this world. There are many loving people here on Psych Central. Many of us also have a loving pet, or a teddy bear, or the love of music, or what have you. There is the shining sun, and flowers, and cool breezes, too. I understand feeling tired. I hope you get a good rest and can wake up feeling a bit refreshed, or in some way renewed.