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I think the thing too that makes it difficult when you are in a relationship or friendship with an alcoholic or addict is not being able to tell if they are truly sober or not when you are interacting. They are used to masking their addiction so they appear functional, but then they don't remember the things they said or did. I don't know how to deal with that. It feels like gaslighting.
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YES!! this really describes one of the challenges really well seesaw. The person does actually practice "masking" and yes, they CAN conveniently just forget or do something to cover up and deflect instead of admitting they did something wrong. Yes, it actually IS a form of gaslighting.
Actually, the friend I talked about did this with me a lot. She consistently tried the masking and I honestly often could not figure out if she was drinking or sober. This is the one that never stopped despite my efforts to help and support her and died from it.