@BethRags I hope your surgery goes well. We care about you here.

Update with my son: He demanded an apology from us for not going to his wedding. He says it is all our fault, not any of his, and will ‘punish’ us by refusing to speak to us until we apologize. My husband did apologize in a brief text between them where this was so rudely spat at him (our son never spoke that way before). The apology wasn’t good enough. He wants us to say all our feelings are completely invalid and we regret it all deeply.

So, we called upon my insistence. We asked for a skype call. He refused, said only over the phone voice only. My husband graveled out some self deprecating apology. Our son asked for mine. I said I want a skype call, so he relented.

I said I am truly sorry we did not attend. I dreamed of being able to be a part of a significant day in his life since he was born, of course. I would not say I was wrong. He did not like that. He said we stress him out. I asked when that started. “Was it when you lived at home?” “No,” he replied. Then he sheepishly admitted it started at the planning of his wedding.

I asked him if he wants any relationship with his parents because that’s all that really matters. He said he does, but doesn’t want much more than a light, casual, sparse contact. I said that’s a great start. I explained to him that all I ever expected from an adult son wasn’t really more than that anyway.

So, at least there was some contact and it felt good to see his face and speak to him. I detected a glimmer of himself inside that harsh, hateful, bitter young man he has become. He’s in there. Please God bring him to the surface.

I really feel he is brainwashed. Wouldn’t you go easy on your child who is being held emotional hostage and brainwashed by a cult? That’s what I am trying to feel now.