If you never had it in the first place?

I grew up as an average child. I didn't have an over abundance of intelligence, but I wasn't stupid. I was/am a pretty naive person...and I never really thought much of myself on the looks department.

As I grew older and grew out instead of up, I became more convinced that I wasn't very beautiful. Unfortunately, I had married a man that always made me feel as if I wasn't good enough, and that didn't help either (which is another entry entirely on this forum). We divorced and now I'm with my loving fiance who is wonderful to me.

My fiance tells me everyday that I'm beautiful. When I look in the mirror...sometimes, SOMETIMES I see something there that I didn't see before. Sometimes I'll smile and not be irritated by what I see when I do. But when it comes down to it, I just don't see it.

So how does one gain self-esteem? It's not that I think I'm unintelligent or ugly...but I've never thought of myself as beautiful either. I don't like the way I smile, I look horrible in makeup and ever since I've gained weight I've hated my face even more.

What steps can I take to 'cure' this? Taking Zoloft dooesn't really help my self-esteem, so I don't know. I feel kind of lost really.

Help anyone?