((Zaza)), it's very possible that your husband really loves you and is not trying to abuse you at all. I think that is often the first go to with people when that's not really what is taking place.

When I listen to you, you look at him like he is so perfect and you are the unworthy one. That is the depression in you talking. Often the so called "perfect" guy/gal is concentrating more on some "ideal" of what perfect is and they unknowingly begin to actually stress when their partner doesn't engage in their perfect ideal. Your reactions are actually normal for someone who is somehow not "perfect" enough to "keep up with the Jones".

Depression is often actually a form of anxiety caused by stress. A feeling that anything you end up doing or saying isn't going to "measure up" somehow. Other people often don't really understand what this feels like either, they typically tend to go by how THEY feel and function. I think your husband needs to be better educated in how some of his expectations of you can contribute to you feeling inadequate and depressed. Feeling as though you don't clean your house well enough, well, the fact that you even do some house cleaning is a positive. It's really not the big deal so many make it out to be either. You actually deserve to feel like you can have things the way YOU like too. Actually, sometimes a so called perfectionist can actually be a bit OCD and not even know it. It's actually perfectly OK if a house looks "lived in".

Often the "I believe in you and you can be better" needs to be "I understand you feel presured to be something I consider the ideal" and "I love you and am going to look at the things I say that contribute to your struggling with feeling inadequate". Often it's really more a matter of being eduated and having more awareness.

I don't want you to just assume you are dealing with some kind of abuser. That is NOT always the real problem. Often, instead it can be a lack of awareness that can be improved on.