It's been a year since my last manic episode. At least I think that's what it was, I'm kind of unsure if I really have this bipolar thing or not.

I was full of life, talking to everybody, thinking really fast, jokes came to me really easily, having tons of energy, feeling overall pretty freaking awesome. I had a month of this in varying intensity. It had me admitted to inpatient, but not involuntarily.

It wasn't that damaging for me at all, and it felt pretty good. I felt on top of the world.

I've been feeling either okay or outright terrible since then, and I want that escape from my bad feelings so I can make friends again and get things done.

I know triggering it is a bad idea, but my mania isn't easily set off by sleep or med changes. It's completely random. Last time it hit me as I was being discharged from the hospital and didn't go away until a month later. That's not just borderline, right? I often think I just have that.

I'm so desperate to get out of this depression, and hypomania seems like a dream right now.