I feel conflicted because I am grateful for what I have, but I am insecure, and feel like I come up short and am not living up to my potential.

My peers have more professional success and earn a great deal more money than I do, and I will most likely never catch up. They are more involved and extroverted. They travel and have experiences that I can’t even imagine.

I am introverted...I am not materialistic or too competitive. Still, it bothers me that I am poor compared to my “friends.” We’re friends in spirit, but hardly speak or see each other. I’ve slipped out of circulation because I’ve been fighting for basic life/death, and safety. I don’t even fit in with them, and I never really have. Our hearts care for each other, but I can’t run in their world. I am so different in ways.

Even though I’m doing well for my standards, I realize my standards are so much lower than their standards.

I don’t mean to compare lives, and I’m sure I have some good qualities, but I’m starting to wonder why I’m so...I don’t know the word I’m looking for.

I am mad that I was not encouraged to be “more.” I was encouraged to be obedient and grateful, and it’s backfired for my self esteem right now.

I hate to say this, but I am feeling worthless. I want to be a positive force in a harmonious atmosphere, but I’m off balanced or maybe others are, or both.

I lack experience and expression, and I want to feel more powerful.

I have a deep river of tears to cry about this, but it seems so superficial (and ungrateful or judgmental) that I don’t express it at all (except here).

I need to feel “successful”

It’s emotional and stems from something. Honestly I’ve been mistreated and abandoned and used—maybe everyone has—and I guess it’s affected my self esteem.

Thanks for reading and hugs to you.