It seems like you're struggling because you're mostly comparing Yourself to others, @Cardooney. I COMPLETELY agree with what the wise and wonderful @LilyMop has already wisely and wonderfully said better than I possibly ever could in my whole and entire Life wholefully and entirely in my Life! You do have to ask Yourself if your Life is good for YOURSELF and not for other people. Please do listen to what @LilyMop is saying! From what you wrote it does seem like it stems mainly from some underlying Struggles that you may have suffered from in your Past, perhaps your Childhood. Are you seeing a Therapist? I feel like that may REALLY help you! You can try to discover what these causes are, if there are any and if they are causing this, also if they are bothering you at the moment. Please do take WONDERFUL care of yourself and try to be kinder to yourself, OK?! WE ALL LOVE YOU HERE! We ALL do care about You. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Cardooney, ALL of your Family, ALL of your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIEND?!