I've never made an attempt before, but I have had suicidal thoughts for quite some time. I mean, I'm stable now, so I don't have any right now, but I used to be a very, very angry person and then I'd do something I regretted, which in turn gave me suicidal thoughts because the rage was too overwhelming and I realized I hurt a lot of people. Maybe I was depressed. I don't know. But usually when I'm very angry, I get suicidal thoughts.

Whenever I feel that way, I try to see my therapist once a week, if not more often. I also call and talk to her over the phone. I suppose that's what's kept me from making an attempt?

The other thing is, my cousin served in Afghanistan and he was left with horrible PTSD. He had suicidal thoughts for quite a while until he finally saw a psychiatrist. However, because of his strength and determination to push through, I feel more motivated to do the same when I'm feeling down. I do worry about him a lot, though. As I mentioned I think a month ago (?), someone I knew made an attempt and succeeded because he wasn't getting treatment for his PTSD and depression. His father said that doctors refused to prescribe him anything, and that the "only way to help him" was with therapy. (Yeah, it was quite a crappy veteran's hospital.) So of course he drank a lot to wash away the horrible feelings, and unfortunately, that only exacerbated the depression until he finally gave up. But this is why my cousin sees a private psychiatrist and private therapist. While some veteran's hospitals are really good, there are a lot of bad ones in the mix.