I go back to work tomorrow and I’m as prepared as I’m going to be I guess. I could ask for more time off but I think it’s just best I go in. The worst part of this job is I am working with flights, hotels, and car rentals all over the world and with the coronavirus – a week ago it was bad the influx of calls and the little I could do. Now look at our situation. What tomorrow night is gonna be like is probably going to be insane and I’ll probably have a panic attack but it’s ride or die at this point. I don’t have supports in place to help me – not that there are many that could anyway – and it’s just something I’m gonna have to struggle through.
So, yes, I’m pissed at the whole world and angry that I have to go through this, but it’s the way of the world. I have to work. I have to get over my own crap and keep going. It may run me into the ground but I’ll just have to keep going anyway. If I plan to survive this life (and I do—no plans of dying, not suicidal), I can be as angry as I can be, but I have to deal with it as it is. I’ve tried everything in my power. The only solution left is maybe part time which would help, I guess – but cause more problems monetarily, so it’s a lose-lose in a lot of ways. I’m just to the point where I’m over it. I’m over trying to rationalize this into something that can be fixed. I’ve just accepted, for right now, it can’t and life has to go on, for right now.

It’s back to praying and distraction to help get me through this indefinite amount of time.