Haha, Zaza, I don't live with him so there's one answer! I mean, I don't want to say we treat it like a toddler having a tantrum, but we sort of do. If he's being angry or irritable for no good reason, we just ask, how can we help you?

The thing is, too, he is diagnosed and is aware of what triggers him. So knowing that, we just try to do our best to manage clutter and not reorganize things without letting him know. We aren't tiptoeing, we are just being considerate that this is his disability, we know what sets it off, so we try to be accommodating and we also expect him to let us know, calmly, when something is triggering him.

And while I don't have ADHD, I do have PTSD, and when I get tired and stressed out, I am much more easily triggered, so it's also about working to have awareness and saying "I'm really tired right now, so I can't deal with this." OR "I'm really tired right now, can you please do X to help me because this is giving me anxiety."

It's really about building a language together that you two can calmly express your needs and where you need support from each other, and acknowledge that you both have some distorted thinking going on and occasionally need support when that gets triggered.

I really feel like relationships can only work when both parties are open and comfortable to express themselves to each other, and also understand that when you express yourself openly, the other person is going to have a reaction, and let them have that initial reaction and give them time to process whatever you've told them. Especially if it's something difficult about how they've been behaving.

Does that help at all?