Thanks.

Reflecting on this today. What is most negative about it is that I am not implementing positive change. Of course I made mistakes, errors of judgement but I need to move forward and make amends not tell myself over how useless/stupid etc I am.

Last night what helped was reading a while (took my brain energies elsewhere) and writing to a friend.

When I go into this spiral the worst is I beat myself up for It, good point about acceptance Mote, I think accepting and acknowleding this unhelpful pattern while working to change it is part of a process.