Thank you all for reading and your responses!

@whatever2013 might I ask for some tips on journaling?

@Daonnachd sorry you struggle too. If you keep reading, I'll further explain some more of what happened. It was really rough! As far as the writing, well I feel I get a bit of structure with the program, plus it's new this year and I'm curious about how it is changing. It still will be a lot of independent work tho. I dunno.

@~Christina Wow! Thank you for that and thinking about what I might need. Unfortunately change like that is not easy or even possible in my mind?? Um, sorry. Im thinking about breakfast for example. I have all my medicines and supplements laid out by my bedside so I actually eat in bed to get quick access to all of those. But I can try some of the other things,...maybe...eh hem. It's just so hard! I've a million reasons but you are not the first person to make such suggestions.

Also, I was wondering where you got borderline from (besides the "favorite person" thing) so then I reread my post and realized that I didn't make it clear that these moods were happening over a period of 8 to 10 months. Like I had euphoric moods through spring, sprinkled with anxiety as well as excitement. Then it started to turn more dysphoric towards summer with lots of anxiety and confusion and hurt. Was the first sign something was wrong. Then there was peace again. Euphoria returned. I felt like I'd forgotten everything bad that was said to me and that everything was forgotten, on both sides. But then paranoia started seeping in by fall when I was getting some negativity from other people, not even the persons I was concerned with. And by the end of the year, bam! I was suddenly left by the first person. Still talking to the second person through all of this, they tried to sort out what happened, to help me even, and we continued being friends until they started getting busy and I got paranoid again. They never expressed outright that i was bothering them, but they ultimately chose to go with their friend and abandon me too. Being strung along that second year was like a mixed bag. It was good in that at first I knew I wasn't totally abandoned, but then ultimately I was and even though I saw it coming the second time, knew it couldn't last (was too good to be true) it still hurt like a ton of bricks! But again, the first was even more devastating because it was just like, bam! No real warning on a personal level. Like they kept saying that I was fine to them personally. Was just a real head screw!
So yeah, took me about 3 years to fully move on from that and well, I still get triggered sometimes.

But so I'm not sure that I was exactly moody as opposed to having these extended mood episodes, possibly even mixed episodes at some points. Oh, the other thing of it is that I was tested for this and got no bpd traits. I did, however, present with some traits of dependant personality disorder. But again, no official dx of personality disorder, just G AD, unspecified bipolar presenting with depression when I was tested (the testing unfortunately didn't happen until a year or more after I started therapy)

Oh, I'll be seeing my GP last week of March. We'll discuss possibly re entering therapy and psychiatric help then.