I don't want to give the impression that I am saying all X's develop a problem with alcohol. I have ptsd, and I don't abuse alcohol, yet, there are many that turn to alcohol as a crutch to manage their ptsd symptoms. And these individuals developed ptsd and don't even know it until they make an effort to become sober.

Recently a few things took place that affected me very deeply. One individual came to me for help because they really love someone who developed a problem with alcohol to help them deal with the abuse they suffered. This individual finally realized it was controlling their life and finally reached out for help to change that path. The person who really loves this person that is finally addressing the problem wants to know what to do and feels helpless. The person reaching out to me talks about the wonderful person they got to know and grew to love so deeply. What can I do to help? Is it ok to send flowers? I feel so lost and miss my soul mate and I just want the person I grew to love so deeply to know I am here, waiting with caring open arms.

You see, this Elephant can be present in a way that comes between two people that brings on a challenge that someone who REALLY LOVES another person genuinely feels lost about and they really want to find a way to be there for this other person they REALLY DO LOVE. Well, that deserves RESPECT too. This was actually touched on in a movie called "When a Man loves a Woman". Meg Ryan's character depicts how the Elephant can really take over and threatens a person's life. And when someone asks, "what can I do and how long do I have to wait?", the answer is not easy.

Not too long ago I came across a thread and it asked a "general" question and different individuals were sharing their opinions. One individual stepped in and said "I did not want to be PUSHED when I faced my challenge, instead I wanted to make up my own mind". That spoke VOLUMES to me. That is EXACTLY how I had felt myself when I became aware of THIS ELEPHANT in someone that I loved and cared about.

When I faced the challenge in someone I loved, it did deeply affect me. And to be honest, I don't know what hurt more, that there was a problem OR how I was treated when I wanted to understand it and figure out how to address it and find support to do just that. It was not only that I finally SAW the Elephant, it was the STIGMA and SHAMING I had to face too. People can be VERY CRUEL and all of a sudden when a person sees something and wants to talk about it, WOW, that person can suddenly be totally black listed in ways they never imagined.

When I faced a trigger recently that cast judgement on me, it caused a lot of "hurts" to surface in me. I found myself suddenly flooded with so many snap shots of how this Elephant affected my life and how it left me with so many hurts that would suddenly pop up and I would be trapped with SO MANY images.

I started this thread NOT to give some lecture, not to engage in some narcissistic DRAMA, not in some effort to claim superiority or enact some selfish need to gain control. But to instead make an effort to engage in some kind of discussion that can bring about some AWARENESS. This ELEPHANT is not black and white, it's a problem that actually affects A LOT OF RELATIONSHIPS. It genuinely DESERVES respect and understanding. So my effort to TRY to find a way to address it with respect isn't going to come out black and white and this Elephant can step on people and hurt them in different ways. And it's not something that can be covered in a short paragraph either. A person can face it in many different ways, a coworker, a boss, a close friend, a parent, a spouse, a neighbor, their own child, and it can even come out of no where with some person that had one to many and decided to get behind a wheel of a car that forever changed someone's life, to that nurse that tended to you and did so under the influence because she saw one death too many and began to self medicate so she could keep functioning somehow. It's a problem that often gets stigmatized and shamed more than it deserves.