Hi MyBrainisAmess,

As someone with fetishes myself, I can really, really identify with the ordeal you are struggling against. I think it is only people who are going through the same or similar things that can understand how distressing these things can be.

Please do not think that I am saying that my situation is the same as yours. I would not want to trespass on the absolute uniqueness of your experience in any way.

I hope you will realize that you are a million times more than this fetish even though it consumes so much of your time and energy. In your life you have done millions of strong, wise and good things. Millions. It is the totality of your life that defines you and not just one part.

Embarrassing fetishes are not the worst thing in the world. There have been a couple of men in the last 100 years who have caused the deaths of tens of millions of people through forced genocide. Think of Stalin, Hitler and others. You have NOT caused the deaths of tens of millions of people or millions of people or hundreds of thousands of people or thousands of people or hundreds of people and so on.

So you are far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far away from being a bad person.

Sometimes depression or an anxiety disorder can cause fetishes or contribute to them. There are medical treatments that sometimes help.

I realize that you are all alone with your fetish but you are not all alone in having unwelcome fetishes. Millions of people from around the world struggle with these. I am one of these too.

You say that counselling has not helped you. Perhaps you have not found a good, kind, understanding and helpful counselor and one that can treat you with wisdom and compassion. Sometimes it can help to try to find a different counselor.

I am not trying to tell you what to do or what you should do. Believe me. I am not a physician or medical professional or any kind and so no one can or should rely on anything I write here.

Dealing with an unwelcome and distressing fetish is very difficult and so I think you are very heroic and I admire you. It takes greatness of character to deal with a fetish. I think you are a person of substance and stature.

Since my English is not very good, I hope I have not said anything that has made you feel worse. If so, I hope you will forgive me. I know from sad personal experience how very distressing and demoralizing it can be to be consumed by a fetish, so my heart goes out to you!

I hope you will get many responses to your post and better ones than mine.

I want to thank for sharing your situation. It helps me and will help so many people from around the world struggling against unwelcome fetishes, thoughts and feelings. So I am very grateful to you.

I wish you only good things! -- Yaowen