So sorry you are having so much pain. It was hard for me to emotionally accept my SSDI. I did not want it. I had worked my entire adult life. I had a great IT job and I knew it was their fault for my autistic meltdown that cost me my job. But I also had to recognize that I "actually" have mental health issues. Sure, they did not know how to handle my outbursts, my PTSD, and my dissociative identity disorder. And switching personalities at work scared the heck out of my coworkers. Not having any idea what the boss told one of my alters was not good when the boss asked me about the work and I was clueless. Put it all together, and I finally had to accept that the company had only one choice after the multiple HR visits and short term disability incidents over the years. But it was MY job of 16 years and it was a part of who I was. Loosing that job was a death to me. And going on disability made me feel like I had failed in life.

But the truth is that I know I need to be on SSDI. I am mentally unwell. Now, I work hard every day to do things that will help me heal. I study art and do art therapy. And I continue my personal therapy and take my medications. But I know it will be a very long time before I feel safe enough internally to return to work of any type.

I was denied the first time. It was expected because I heard how difficult it was to be approved. But I had to try again because I was just not able to work. So I hired a lawyer who worked for free until I was approved. They only took a small amount from the back pay. It was worth it. I got approved with only the first appeal.


But I had to do my own leg work... I asked my therapist to release all of my paperwork to them. Sure, it was surrendering my truth to strangers... but I needed to have money in order to live and I could not work. So he sent them copies of everything he had. I also had to make sure my psych doc sent in her info on me. It was actually a lot of work for me to get those things back to the SS office. And I had to send the info to my lawyer as well. But I know that I had to do those things if I wanted to be approved.

You must fight for what you need. It may be difficult emotionally to accept the fact that you need help from others. It is a huge bite out of my pride to have to accept disability. But I have no other choice. You are going to be anxious in the process. I encourage you to document everything and continue therapy. Let them see that you are fighting for your sanity. And let the doctors in your life stand up for you. Just be sure you ask the doctors for what you need from them. They will send their paperwork directly to SS, but you can ask for a copy of the letter.

Hope this helps.