Edit; I realized after reading everyone's responses ibshould have included that I am fine right now, I'm in a safe place mentally and physically. I'm just thinking over this issue that has always been there and working up the strength to talk to my healthcare team. Thanks so much everyone!
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What causes homicidal thoughts? Why do I have them? Is it something that other people have?

I haven't ever talked about it with any of my therapists or pdocs. It is just so completely opposite of my personality, it seems unbelievable! I'm calm and always try to be kind and compassionate. I never display any anger or aggression. My friends and family would probably describe me as a gentle and loving person.

Whenever I have tried to hint at some of my disturbing thoughts to see if someone could help me I get the response "I'm sure you're thoughts aren't anything terrible, you are just such a kind sensitive person so you are probably just not able to handle feeling a little angry.. But it's totally normal to feel angry, so don't worry about it." End of conversation.

So how could it possibly be that inside the same head as that person that everyone loves, is some kind of monster thinking up really really horrible things? I never have acted on them and i obviously never want to! But still the thoughts are there! They have always been.

I know I should talk with my therapist and doctors about this but I'm afraid to. And I have lived most of my 38 years having these thoughts so is there any point bringing it up now??