Hi isurvive, how are things tonight? Do you feel like you are in control of your behavior?

As I ask these types of questions, it dawns on me that these are the types of questions you'd rather not have asked. I say this because these thoughts have been a chronic constant for you. I think you are saying there is no acute issue today/tonight, it's more long-term.?

I agree with my friend: you should try passing this by your therapist/your doctors.

you say you are afraid to do so. What are you afraid might happen if you tell them?

This is obviously bothering you. So why not work on resolving this?
I dare say most therapists/doctors have some experience with this very same issue..

It's truly not a rare "condition."

I hope you will be able to overcome your fear and bring this topic up with your providers.

I think it's wonderful you are reaching out on this!

I wish you the best!
Much Love