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sarahsweets · Mar 15, 2020, 01:21 AM

Hey @Open Eyes thank you for sharing this. I feel like you and are are kindred spirits in our assessment of alcoholism. I agree so much with what you shared and I speak from the position of being the alcoholic in recovery and having been a child with an alcoholic parent.

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes

A lot of times the real problem with your parent, friend, spouse, family member, and even your own child happens to be how they are self medicating and avoiding their problems and insecurities by using alcohol.

A lot of the toxic behavior patterns different individuals talk about here in this forum, even in discussing "abusive relationships" can actually come from the individual that has a problem with alcohol. Everyone else is THE problem except THEM. Often, they need to be the preacher, that loudest voice and deem themselves in how they should be on some higher level. They can often be self righteous and talk about not allowing this or that kind of behavior too. If others don't see things their way then it must be that other person is wrong too.

Yes! I cant tell you how much of a different person I used to be. Seriously you would not think I am the same if you knew me when I was not sober. I thought the whole world wanted and NEEDED my opinion and it was my duty to not only give it but force others to agree with it.

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God forbid you tell them to back off or let someone else share too, they tend to get upset and act offended (they work on this alot in AA meetings). While they see a little about you, they tend to need to take over and be the one that stands out more. They can often be very likeable and charming "the good guy, or gal". They can at times be fun loving as well and seem friendly. And they can even have some talents and seem attentive at times as well. They can even seem quite functional and it can be surprising how many walks of life they are in too.

One of my pet peeves is the phrase "functional alcoholic" because there is NOTHING functional about an alcohol problem. It doesnt matter if you hold down a job or do not get arrested. An alcohol problem is never functional.

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However, they can present some challenges that are very unhealthy to the person that lives with them or is their friend. Without realizing it, you suddenly become slowly conditioned to live YOUR life around THEIR problem and it's just that something that keeps bothering you, often it tends to present in your feeling fine and then feeling depressed. Often they are there for you, then not there for you. You go out to have a nice evening and you both drink but THEY drink more. Sometimes the evening ends up on a bad note and they simply say they had one too many and BLAME it on that. They promise to cut back, but that REALLY doesn't fix the PROBLEM, and they know they can binge still too. "I have been so good, give me a break it was an especially bad day etc., etc. OR, oh, cut me some slack I got that huge account, I deserve to splurge and celebrate.

Very familiar rationalizations.

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I have in my lifetime seen a lot of hurt that comes with this problem. I have been HURT in more ways than I can count. This problem actually affects A LOT of relationships. I have seen it in a lot of relationships during my life. In neighbors, friends, my own family and many relationships.

I wonder what the stats would be say.. here with how many abusers have an addiction to alcohol?

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I remember when a friend of mine sat down with me as she was divorcing her husband who REALLY had a bad problem (he died real young from it too). She said to me, "if you have discussions about it there is a problem". Then she took me to an alanon meeting. I was actually traumatized by what I saw and heard. Everyone told me to leave and RUN. You know THAT'S NOT EASY when you love someone that has a problem. I also confided in a woman I thought I could trust and that turned out to me suddenly being shunned. I was a brownie leader at the time and the next thing I knew the mothers pulled away from me and my daughter lost all her friends and got totally confused. The stigma can be very hard, at least back when I was trying to understand it it was pretty brutal.

That is terrible. I do not know much about alanon but I do know AA. Not everyone is well and sometimes they turn into little cliques.

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I had a friend that had a problem with it too. I tried to help her, even took her to meetings and she just could not stop and so my friend died and she was still SO YOUNG yet. This friend constantly blamed everyone else for her problems and said it was why it was too hard to stop. It was very upsetting to see how bad she got too.

I have lost 5 people in 8 years to alcoholism. The last one was a woman who couldnt get sober, relapsed and od'd on alcohol and pills. She was 52.
Anyone who says this disease doesnt kill needs to go work with my brother in the ICU for a day. He is a nurse and the worst, saddest cases for him are the alcoholics. He watches them shake and have delusions. They soil themselves and have organ failure. They kick the nurses and nearly die and return often.

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If anyone reading this has a problem, PLEASE think about it and get help, your problem is hurting others and it WILL HURT YOU. And don't just stop by yourself either. I have also dealt with that in my life and what I had to deal with is a DRY DRUNK. And they can actually be mean and controlling and angry a lot. Honestly, it's like they put down the drink and pick up a hatchet instead.

I always recommend people do a medical detox even if they do not need rehab. I quit on my own with just AA and I totally had an angel on my shoulder. I believe the only reason I did not die or have seizures was because I happened to be on lamictal for bipolar.