Thanks Mickey. I really try. When I wake I feel "attacked" by all these horrible thoughts. I really hope I get some help this monday.
In times like these I really feel all alone. I haven't told my family members how bad it is and that I want to go inpatient. If they call I will tell them how it is. It's just so hard to call them myself and say how awful I'm feeling.
I'm very happy I have this forum with all you people in these times.