Hi Sara C,

I am so very, very sorry you are afflicted with depression and have been for so long. How heartbreaking! Wish I knew what to say to ease your distress.

I think that one of the main ways depression destroys joy of living is by causing someone to get "stuck" in a certain way of looking at things.

A depressed person gets stuck in a "could be better but isn't better" way of looking at things. In depression one looks at oneself and others, at one's past and present, at events and things and the world in general and thinks and feels: "could be better but isn't better."

Always thinking "could be better, but isn't better" naturally brings on feelings of sadness, dissatisfaction, anger, disappointment, guilt and aggravation. And these contribute to getting stuck in depression too.

But there is another way of looking at things and it is the way that happier, more peaceful people look at things: "could be worse, but isn't worse."

I could be worse but am not worse. You could be worse but are not worse. Other people and things and events could be worse but are not worse.

This way of looking at things produces different feelings than depression produces. It produces feelings of being lucky, feelings of appreciation, feelings of gratitude, feelings of joy, feelings of peace.

Depression can be linked to medical conditions in the brain for which treatments are available.

When one is "medically" depressed, one finds it difficult or impossible to look at things from the "could be worse but isn't worse" perspective.

One gets "stuck" in the "could be better, but isn't better" perspective, stuck and unable to get out.

If one's depression is not too bad, one can sometimes try to train oneself to look at things from the "could be worse, but isn't worse" perspective.

For example, I could be starving to death but am not. I could be trapped in a burning building but am not.

I could have end stage cancer, but do not. I could be stuck in the middle of a huge desert without transportation or water but am not. And so on.

Such thoughts cause one to feel lucky and grateful, to feel happy and peaceful. [if one's sadness is not caused by organic factors]

Joy sometimes does not come automatically. One has to look at things from a certain perspective in order for joy to come into one's life.

If one has been feeling low for years, it can take some effort and practice to switch to a more "could be worse, but isn't worse, thank goodness" perspective.

If self-help doesn't work, psychotherapy or medical treatment can sometimes help.

Wish I had some wisdom to share that would help you feel joyful, but sadly I lack that wisdom.

Having struggled against serious depression myself I can really feel for what you must be going through and my heart goes out to you.

Hopefully others here with more insight will have better words for you than my poor words.

I wish you only good things, Sara C. -- Yao Wen