Thanks so very much to the thread starters and PC staff for making this thread available to us. While I understand some of the concerns, it has always seemed rather odd to me that discussion of one of the most serious, tragic, and devastating features of some of these illnesses was sort of verboten here on the site, which is called Psych Central. Always thought that was kinda weird, to be honest. So, this is great, IMHO.

I guess I have had two of what I would call serious attempts, both in 2007, about a month apart. Wound up committed both times. The first, I survived simply due to a math error. The second, was basically a miracle from above, in my personal opinion. Not throwing my faith on anyone, just sharing my experience. Won't get into details, but I will just say that right as I was about to act, right at the very last possible instant, I glanced to my left at the blue sky and a gigantic image of my beloved, then 6 year-old son appeared, floating in space. Just appeared--out of nowhere. He was smiling at me. I was somehow able to briefly halt what I was doing. A kind couple was walking by. I told them my plan and asked if they thought what I was doing was a good idea. They said "No," and called 911. And I am alive today as a result. I consider that a full attempt because the decision was already made and final. It was Done. Then Jack appeared.

Those attempts were very clearly a direct result of totally out-of-control mania and psychosis. I had no insight and no judgement and so, when I received the commands, I simply moved to carry them out. Zero hesitation. Boom. Like that.

That is one realm in which I, myself, can be at risk. Just super manic and psychotic. And I am unfortunately that way quite a bit these days. The other is simply the recurring SUI, accumulated over the years of doing near-constant battle with this illness. It wears me out, I become discouraged, depression may set in/flare, I become hopeless again, re-live many prior pains and struggles as though they are happening again, and then it may seem like a good idea once again. This latter stuff seems to come in waves. The reason I joined PC last year is because my SUI was just getting worse and worse. I believe that spending time here with all of you, who can relate to many similar struggles personally, really saved me from that bad place. I don't feel like such an outcast and a freak. The "Normal" people in my life can not relate to what it is like to be suicidal. But many of you can. And that really helps. when I have tried to tell them about my SUI, I often get blank expressions. People don't know what to do or say, it appears.

Like virtually all other problems, the only way through this crisis is by talking about it and educating as many people as we possibly can, at least, that is my take. Especially, young people, who, at least in the USA right now, are experiencing record levels of mental stress and discomfort, according to the data.

Many thanks to everyone for sharing their experiences. You are all incredibly brave and strong! And you are all my heroes, truly!!!!