I am impressed at your ability to relate your own behaviors and your desire to change. It is a long road but a worthwhile one. Your marriage may or may not survive, if she is saying she wants a divorce, you might discuss a formal separation. I know you are fearful of this but, if she and you need to know how each of you feel without the other. It could help if you each have your own place/space to go to after talking/working on issues. I think the toughest part is letting go & if you are controlling and have npd that is going to be very difficult. She will also find it difficult. All jealousy has to be dealt with in therapy and not acted on. (((((((((((((((big hug and best of luck)))))))))))))