Some of you were very concerned about my well-being, and I appreciate your concern. I feel comfortable enough to share some of what I have been dealing with these past few months.

I was wrongly stripped of a position I held at my school, and I filed a grievance against my superior in my defense. The position was a powerful one: it drained me of all my strength and energy, my life revolved around this position, my identity became this position. My coping mechanisms at the time included heavy chain smoking and drinking a fifth of hard alcohol every night, and if THAT didn't work, a little bedtime weed on top of it.

Not long after the grievance, I fell into a dark depression. It was a working depression, I spent my time alone asking big questions about who I am and my purpose in life. One of the greatest things happened to me at the beginning of this depression, I had enough of smoking and drinking. I spent two weeks backing off cigarettes, then on January 13th I began the nicotine patch and quit smoking, quit drinking hard alcohol, and threw away my weed and pipe.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, and I knew it had to get darker before it got lighter, but it was for my health and safety to give up these addictions. My brain was rewiring during this time, and I became suicidal. I told my parents this and they supported me and monitored me. I increased my counseling and worked with my psych. Eventually, I agreed to increase my lithium by 300mg, and my spirits were lifted practically overnight.

It is hard for me to walk the halls at school. It isn't true, but I feel like I'm constantly watched and judged. I feel defeated because my superior ultimately took credit for the work I did and covered up my efforts and involvement like I was never part of it...and got away with it. I'm most terrified to look my superior in the eye, even though my superior should be the one terrified to see me. I know my superior aches inside, and I'm still heartbroken.

I still having crying spells, but the depression is easing up and I'm no longer suicidal. Self-care is critical at this point in time. It's important for me to remind myself of how strong I have been and how strong I will continue to be. If I can quit cigarettes, hard alcohol, and pot at the same time and be successful, I can accomplish anything. And now that I am no longer in this position at school, I can see clearer my path in life and who I am as a woman, student, friend and partner.