“ it drained me of all my strength and energy, my life revolved around this position, my identity became this position. My coping mechanisms at the time included heavy chain smoking and drinking a fifth of hard alcohol every night, and if THAT didn't work, a little bedtime weed on top of it.”

It wasn’t good for you to be in this position, if that’s the effect it had on you.

(I could say the same for myself for a position that’s killing me, but I don’’t leave)

It sounds like it was a blessing you got relieved of it, though I am sorry it hurt you.