Hi Catie, Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you have to deal with this kind of relationship challenge. For many women, it feels like they are being cheated on and betrayed. I think some males develop this addiction when they don't have a partner and they want to satisfy their normal sexual urges, and this can begin when a male is rather young too. It's very probable that he had this addiction long before he met you, perhaps for years. In their mind it's not really cheating, it's not loving the other individuals, it's all just about the activity itself that they discovered and began to use for their own sexual pleasure. Truth is, a lot of women develop their own self pleasure where they too like to masterbate for themselves even when they have a partner. Both men and women find it is an effective way to relieve stress and anxiety. And, these individuals do this because they like to simply enjoy themselves without actually having to perform for anyone else. Actually, this ususally begins with each individual as a part of self discovery long before the individual interacts with another individual. So, a person doesn't consider it actually cheating, instead it's just something they do for themselves.

Now, some individuals will read what I am explaining here and think I am terrible and it's awful and I am wrong etc. Yet, I am sharing a reality of human nature. We are designed to experience pleasure with or without another individual. And quite honestly, it's actually a part of obstaining until one finds a good partner that can be right for reproduction. It's also how an individual can relieve their normal sex drive when their partner is unable to engage due to health challenges or at certain stages of pregnancy.

The real concern is not so much when a partner engages in self satisfying aside from his/her relationship, it's more about taking that to a level of cheating with another individual that is wrong for a relationship, unless the couple agrees to an open relationship. Some individuals do need visual stimulation to self satisfy, that is why a man is provided with visuals when he is expected to provide sperm for different medical reasons. It's when it becomes an addition that can present the problem for the relationship.