I usually read and hear people saying that they have problems falling asleep, staying asleep, and they dream of nothing but nightmares. Well, for me it's different. Yes, I do sometimes have problems falling and staying asleep, especially when I am super anxious over somethings. Yes, I had this terrible and longish phase of getting up at 4 am and not being able to fall asleep again, and having all those terrible thoughts of myself and my miserable life, but in general I love sleep. In fact, I usually like sleep more than my awake life. I wish I could have a button which I could press when I wanted just to instatly fall asleep and escape my terrible thoughts.

What is more, I love dreaming. Even at my darkest days, my dreams were generally nice. I felt happy, I felt safe, I loved the cosy atmosphere they provided me. There were mornings when the only thing I wanted was for another night to come so I could fall asleep and dream something nice again. Of course, I had some nightmares, some dreams that brought nothing but hopelessness to me but, overall, dreams were my haven which I somehow find strange because I also read many stories of people having terrible dreams, etc. Does that mean that subconsiously I am ok (considering that dreaming is subconscious, etc.etc)? Does that mean that I am just making everything up (by everything I mean fear, anxiety, isolation, etc. etc.) since subconsiouslly I am all sane and fluffy? Those nice dreams, they dissapeared several years ago, and I miss them so much!