I really relate to you, roseboi. I do think therapy could be very helpful to you. These kinds of tramatic experienecs are with us forever, in my experience. They never go away. Never. But we can learn to cope with them better by employing skills and tools that we did not previously have. I still struggle, years later. My life is forever altered and to pretend otherwise is to be living in a dreamworld. But I can get through it. One day at a time. And you can too.

Get some support. Some help. I think you will find developing new skills can be very helpful. Hnag in there!!