Ok, thank you for being honest. It's ok to find things that you can get busy with. Our way of managing ourselves so we feel we have a sense of control are things we often developed early and used to survive so it's not like we can expect ourselves to suddenly have all new navigational tools. Finding something to be busy with can help a person calm down when feeling overwhelmed so it's not bad or wrong.

You asked me if there is a cure for individuals that may have some issues with narcissism. Well, often individuals with this challenge can be hard to work with because they don't want to let go of the navigational methods they used to avoid feeling inadequate or powerless. That being said, if you are struggling with ptsd challenges, the symptoms can "seem" to lean narcissistic, HOWEVER, I cannot stress enough that ptsd and npd are not the same thing and it's important adequate time be spent with a trauma specialist so as not to further traumatize someone who is in fact suffering from ptsd.

Often, the sad thing is how often a narcissist will pair with a partner that suffers from borderline personality issues because they BOTH suffered childhood trauma and neglect. So, in essence they become what is called trauma bonded. The narcissist developed ways to control her to avoid being hurt and she developed ways to anticipate periods of being treated badly and learning to live in the cycles of being somewhat loved, then being hurt or abandoned emotionally. The sad thing about both of is wanting to feel they have some kind of power over being loved and feeling safe without this deep hurt of being abandoned.

VERY GOOD ((Kacknyne)) you have identified something very important in this statement. JEALOUSY!! This is the main reason a person with narcissistic injuries needs what is called a "narcissist feed". Yet, if someone is suffering from ptsd, they can feel anger and frustration whenever recalling childhood trauma too. So, understanding the difference takes time and special training, preferable from a trauma specialist.

I was hoping you would come back here, because hanging out in the narcissist's forum isn't going to help you all that much. The reason for that tends to be having a need to blame everyone else for challenges and laugh and joke even because narcissists don't like to look at their own deep hurts and insecurities. It's much too hard because there is no "narcissistic feed in doing that". Also, often just a glimpse can result in what you described here in your recent post. HORRIBLE JEALOUSY and anger and it's simply too hard to experience. The question is, is it really jealousy, or shame? There is a difference between the two.

As I am sitting here talking to you, I can feel for you and I am so sorry for what happened to you as a child. I can feel for you deeply, but I have to know if you are narcissistic, you cannot feel for me. I have to know, the reason you can't feel for me is because of what that child in you did not get to experience that caused you to develop this narcissism. That is, if you actually fall high on the spectrum.

I know you say you love your wife and your family and that you want to "fix" what is wrong. However, what is going to be especially hard for you is you're actually being able to "feel for them". You see, when you love bomb your wife, it's not out of genuinely feeling how she feels, instead it's simply a navigational tool you use to gain your sense of control over her. That tends to be also true for how you are with your children. This is IF you developed into a narcissist or lean heavy on the scale.

The reason WHY your wife says "I feel like I was only tricked into my relationship", and also "I don't even really know who my husband is"? This is because she was only a possession to you, and you never really SAW her or felt HER. What is SO SAD about this to someone like me is how this is all too FAMILIAR to your wife because most of the time this happens to a woman who's father was a narcissist too. The truth is, your wife married you thinking she would finally be loved and get to feel safe, she was fooled as is often the case because there was also something "familiar" about you, and we often miss what that familiar really means. Familiar doesn't mean "safe", all it means is it is something a person grew up navigating around in their environment and it's something they are simply used to. Again, this CAN happen with a narcissist, yet, it can also come from the affects caused by trauma that develops into ptsd too. Some of this depends on if your time in the service led to your experiencing some trauma as well.

A while ago I happened to meet a psychopath here and got to talk to him. You know what he told me about narcissists? He said, they are the EASIEST to control and USE because all you have to do is feed their ego. He then said, that he also gains the MOST pleasure when he is done with them because they crumble and shatter and fall apart the most. I thought to myself, "wow, that is pretty damn dark and soulless", no empathy what so ever.

You see Kacknyne, there is nothing I can do to "trick" you into truely fixing yourself. What you have to do is VERY hard, and most narcissists HATE seeing what is really "back there" that is the root to the hurt that they developed so many ways to avoid feeling. You see, as soon as you began to think about it, look what happened, you felt so much jealousy and anger and you don't know what to do with that, you never had any help with that either. Narcissists need to only see THEIR truth, they don't want to see reality, they don't know what to do with it, all they can do is turn their back and embrace their OWN reality. YET, it's a bit different for someone who is suffering from ptsd. Individuals with ptsd may choose to keep others at arms length for very different reasons even they often don't realize.

When a narcissist is decribed as always standing in front of a mirror and always needing to admire their own reflection? This is because as a child they did not get to experience a true nurturing presence that gave them the loving caring face all children need. So, what a narcissist had to do is give that to themselves. The jealousy they feel is in seeing others who benefited from something they themselves did not have. This is why, even though I feel for you, you are not going to feel for me (if you are a narcissist). If I feel for you and in some way fail you? You can't think of me any other way than that I failed you and that is when you will choose to discard me. A narcissist fears abandonment, so how they handle that threat is they are the ones that need to discard first. And they won't empathize with those they choose to discard either. Instead, often it's much easier to blame instead. This is not the same if someone has ptsd challenges.

This is also part of WHY a narcissist will remember all imperfections or hurts in others too. They only remember these because of how it comes in handy to convince themselves they stand on higher ground and are superior. A person who has empathy remembers these challenges very differently, they walk away not wanting to cause the other person more pain and often a person with empathy often struggles with cognitive disonance because they don't want to hurt the other person. A narcissist simply doesn't care, all they see is their hurt, they don't want to see their own behavior that caused the problem to occur. And they tend to like to go on these MAD MARCHES that are all about the "ME, ME, ME" that needs to recover their sense of ego and power to cast out the other that failed them somehow.

My question is, do you really love your wife? Or, do you just love that you can effectively manipulate her whenever YOU need to be reassured she will still be there for you as needed? Often what narcissists do in relationships unknowingly is they only see relationships as servicing their own needs and they don't know how to genuinely see the other person's needs. Everyone around them is only an extension of themselves instead of allowing others including their children to develop their own identities and feel they are loved for doing so. There should be no environment where family is all expected to circle their wagons around THE narcissist and feeling bad if they fail to please the narcissist in some way. You say you WANT your family, what does that really mean to you? Do you know how to see THEM? Or do you need them to always circle around YOU four your narcissistic feed? Quite honestly, this may seem confusing to you and something you may need to sit and think about. This tends to get the most challenging when children get older and want to have their own opinions etc., which narcissists have a problem with. There is a difference in the dynamics if a person is a trauma survivor verses the more manipulative tactics used by a narcissist who's desire is for control and superiority.

I also asked about your use of alcohol, because often that only further complicates things as it prevents maturing and growth and tends to contribute to trapping an individual at an often very immature level. Often that can be an element in both individuals where they are trauma bonded and addicted to self medicating with alcohol or some other form of sedating drug use, even marijuana use.

It's possible you are not "full" NPD, and instead may have strong traits. NPD tends to be overdiagnosed, when intead there needs to be more time spent actually evaluating with a professional, not someone who just needs to throw it out there because "some" behaviors seem to fit with narcissistic personality disorder. When a person suffers from complex ptsd, that person needs to have more time with an actual trauma therapist instead of just some quick label tossed at them. Trauma does leave some deep narcissistic injuries that don't always mean the individual is a narcissist yet instead may have some very sensitive narcissistic injuries. There is a difference.