I also want to tell you, that you are at a crucial point in your life with this. I can't tell you how this will turn out either. However, often with npd, this fear of abandonment they tend to have? This saying tends to ring true. "You live by the sword, you die by the sword". Often what can happen, is the way many narcissists need to control so much so they avoid abandonment, becomes so harsh that they often face the one thing they were trying so hard to control and avoid, "abandonment". Some actually soften with age, while others don't. And often their children suffer too. We cannot change everything about ourselves, we are all lacking perfection. You CAN IMHO, learn to recognize areas you can work on improving. That fact that you have admitted what you have is promising.