Hey, we're here with you. I'm not in quite the same boat as you, but we're in the same ocean, so we're trying to ride similar waves (if that makes sense). So, these past three weeks for me have been some of the most successful I've had in... well, since I can remember, and I'd like to share a few of the things I found have really helped me, hopefully they can help you.

Identifying triggers: I've slowly been making a mental catalogue (and will be writing them out as I find that helps me keep track of things) of things that "trigger" the urge or craving in me. I'm not doing it so I can avoid them ( though I often try) because it's nigh impossible to live life and also avoid the things that trigger me. No, I do it so that I can recognize early on when I'm about to or am experiencing the urge. That way, it's no longer just subconscious, if I decide to indulge it's not an unconscious "autopilot" decision, I have to consciously recognize the bad decision I'm about to make. This helps me recognize that I have control, and I CAN decide to do the right thing.

Compassionate Self-Awareness: I think this is what it's called, though the exercise or act might have a more correct term, but regardless, this is for when I'm experiencing the urge (this is also why it's so beneficial to be able to recognize your triggers). When I'm experiencing the urge, I don't try to smash myself into obedience and submission (like I used to), I don't start criticizing myself and badmouthing my weakness, and hating myself for feeling this way (like I used to, and still struggle with this). This can be hard to do, but you need to let go of these things. You already have the shame and guilt, but focusing on these during a crisis moment paralyzes you into just falling back into auto-pilot... and you fail. They are counter-productive and unhelpful, like that asshole ****-talking you while you're trying to change a flat tire instead of lending a hand.


Instead, try to recognize and accept that: yes, you're experiencing the urge, and it ****ing sucks. Acknowledge this, don't immediately try to smash and suppress it down. You want to have sex, the craving is intense and soul compelling, and every moment you don't acquiesce feels like hell... but the moment will pass. It will feel like years in the passing, especially during your early attempts, but grit your teeth, bear it, and remember... it WILL pass.

I've had countless moments like this so far, but practicing this exercise has saved me so far. I HIGHLY recommend it.

Finally, remember that your progress is NOT linear, and can't be measured as such. You're going to have some good days, maybe even great days, but you're also going to have absolutely HORRIBLE days where your cravings will be smashing at you... this is normal, and it's going to be all over the place, often without rhyme or reason. I'm sorry, but this is the harsh reality. While I've had the best success I've had in years these past three weeks, I've had very close moments where I wanted nothing more than to give in and watch porn, and I have had a couple failures in my efforts to stop masturbating. I accept this, however, and I'm pretty certain I will have a relapse on the porn front again. I'll stop practicing what I've learned, or have a vulnerable moment, and BAM! It will get me... but I'm going to take my successes while I can, and pick myself up and dust myself off after I fall. So remember to forgive yourself. Beating yourself up all the time will not help you, it will only hinder you. Forgive yourself, and commit yourself to continue to try to do better. Remember why you want to do better, aim for that vision of a better future, and you can endure just about any what or how that life throws at you.

You're not alone, and we're rooting for you! Win or loss, we're in your corner.