Wow, Kacknyne, you have been through a lot. I honestly think you never really had a chance to find out where you fit. In all of that I simply don't see any real stability. I am not a professional, but I am not so sure you actually have NPD. I think you are probably an individual who has a lot of unprocessed trauma. It sounds more like you developed a lot of defense mechanisms to avoid being punished. More like a battered woman's syndrome only you are a male instead. You seem to have been tossed from one relationship to the next and no one was grounded or knew who they were so it was just constant chaos for you. Your wife doesn't know you? She doesn't even know herself and she has a sex addition to help her handle her anxiety and stress. That's not actually love making, not true intimacy. IMO, your deception was trying to bide your time because you did not want to do the multiple partners your wife wanted you to do. That's not for everyone. It's not narcissistic to not want to participate in that either.

I think you want a normal family and you have had so many obstacles all your life that got in the way of you having that experience. You have not really had "structure" in your life either, "healthy structure". Sometimes men end up joining the service to find that. Sometimes it can help, and other times their experience is just more trauma and chaos.

Where were you were deployed, did you see and experience action? Did you go to Iraq? The training is tough, it has to be so you don't hesitate in action. Did you stop serving due to the PTSD?

Just wanted to say, I respect all the effort you put into all you shared, I am sure that took a lot of effort for you.