Actually, I have a different answer to this.

Why my husband was at rock bottom, I found myself nagging CONSTANTLY. Usually just to get out of bed and go for a walk around the block. ANYTHING to show me that he was alive. I also 'discovered' that I tended to badger him for information about his feelings. The more I pushed, the more he resisted, but should I just stop? That idea was scary to me... what if I stopped and he took it as a sign that I no longer cared, and decided to..., well. You know.

We have a terrific therapist now and things are under control. However, what I learned about ME is that I nag and badger as a way of alleviating MY anxiety. Not that I need things to be perfect, but when I see things as being drastically wrong FOR ME, then my choices are:
- fix them myself, which makes me resent him
- nag to get him to fix them (which can mean just getting out of bed)
- do nothing, and have a nervous breakdown

That's what my anxiety does to me. I definitely don't want to control everything or make everything perfect. My husband is far more of a perfectionist than I am. But when I am worried and anxious about something, my response is to FIX IT and it frustrates me to no end to carry the weight of two people when the other, by virtue of being an adult, seemingly should be able to carry his own (I do understand the mental illness part, but hey, I'm human). His response is to go to sleep. Both responses are attempts to alleviate the same problem -- anxiety.