Oh, winter4me, thank you SOOO much for talking with me about this.

i've had different diagnoses: BPD, OCD, Major Depression episodes/sui ideations, Schizoid, Schizoaffective, Anxiety and phobias and maybe other minor stuff.

among all of this i tend to think BPD is my major dx and i think that comes with psychotic tendencies and delusional thoughts episodes. thats why the only meds that have been working with me are anti psychotics (been taking for 10 yrs, but low dosage)

there is always noise in my head. not voices, even though in moments of big distress i have heard voices and i knew they were uditive hallucinations. but generally just big noise in my head.

the APs i've tried up to now tended to soften the noise and made me feel sleepy.

these days, this low haldol dosage made me feel more awake and silenced the noise, instead. i did not feel sleepy at all. that was a good thing for me.

tonight something weird happened. i was awokened by noises as if the person sleeping in the room of my neighbor next time my bedroom was vomiting (and those sounds are my biggest phobia for which i reached out for help). but as soon as i was awke they stopped. i turned on the light and waited full of fear for other noises but nothing.

this morning instead as soon as i was up i heard from the same neighbor's room a baby crying (the second worst sound for me to hear).

differently than usual, after a couple of rational thoughts (my neighbor didnt seem pregnant and i never heard any sound from that bedroom before - guess its babys room and she sleeps in her big bedroom) i dont know why, i started to doubt they were real sounds and wondered if they were uditive hallucinations (even hoping for it)

the more i thought about it the more confused and agitated i became so i texted my pdoc and she said both things are possible (that those sounds were real or hallucinations) and she upped the haldol dosage to 2mg morning and 2mg night and see how it goes. (i've tried only 1mg 1xday these day only as a trial). i dont know what to think.

im at home now for lunch break and i've heard her (my neighbor) come home but no other sounds. there are million different…. (explainations)...

oh ****... the baby is crying now. it must be real. my worst nightmare…. no, please no… i cant live with a baby glued to my bedroom. oh no, oh ****, no….